Being a mom of two tots has made me start looking at my mothering. I have been challenged to the core with being a "good enough" mom. When Callen was an only child it was my goal and intention to have him learning and being the smartest (insert an age here) toddler. I would work with him, create with him and try my hardest to have him thriving in this society. Now, welcome kid number two and our entire day, week, etc. was thrown for a loop. I could no longer sit all day long with Callen and work with him or sit and play with him. I had another task to tend to...one that needed me 24/7, the same as Callen.
I struggled, people...bad. I would wake up daily thinking I am not good enough for Callen or for Elliot. I would struggle all day and go to bed with these thoughts of "what did I accomplish today?" I was seriously beside myself thinking that I was not a good mom because I did not get a stupid worksheet completed that day or I didn't read a Bible story to Callen and discuss it, or I only played a few hours with Callen and he still wanted Mama. Then I would think...Elliot cried all day and I would say....I just did not enjoy her today. Okay, before you judge let me say this. I love Elliot so very much. There is a difference in LOVE and enjoying. When a baby cries all day, every day you don't enjoy that. I would then say I am a bad mom because I did not enjoy my baby today or is it something I am doing wrong to make her cry all the time. Turns out...it was acid reflux. She is one happy girl now and I ENJOY her daily!
Here I was a new mom to a baby and a mom to a toddler that demanded all my time and attention. I would just be in tears because I did not think I was being the best mom I could be. I would pray daily...Lord, give me the energy to make it through the day. Isn't that horrible? And such a wrong prayer.
Then after my praying one day last week, I decided or actually God lead me to something so great and my mind and body has been rested because of this. It is not my job to be a perfect mom. I will make mistakes, my child/children will get mad at me and scream and throw a fit, my house will always be a mess, I might not get a shower and I might be exhausted. All those "toddler activities" on pinterest that seem to make you the perfect mom because you craft with them or do fun activities with them. Serious, I would stress about this because I wouldn't craft with Callen (I am not a crafty person)...we color and use glitter. Then I realized how stupid and lame these ideas in my head were. Callen could careless if we crafted or got a Bible story in or whatever it might be. Callen wanted me to PLAY and be MOM. Elliot wanted me to hold her and love her.
If I would simply not freak out or worry about stupid little things and simply ENJOY my children and see the blessings first hand.
So, this week I started LOVING my children more. Is that possible? I doubt it...but I made them my priority during the day. It didn't matter that dishes were piled in the sink or the house was a wreck or I hadn't showered. We played, we did life, we acted out trains, we read books, we destroyed the house. I rocked a baby, fed a baby, I talked and sang to a baby. I enjoyed my kids...I stopped letting society fill my head with what makes a good mom and I followed my mom instincts and GOD.
I pray all day about my blessings and my ability to to be a mom to these two amazing kids. I no longer pray for energy...that is selfish. I pray to enjoy my kids and be the best mom I can to these two kids. That is my job. As long as my children are happy and they are taken care of and raised to be loving, kind, and Godly people I am happy. Who cares what pinterest thinks makes a good mom. Happy kids make a good mom.
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