Am I Lazy?

The below article is from the Washington Post, dated in 2009.  I ran across this beauty this morning and had to share/comment.  I know I have discussed this before, but here I am again!

Dear Carolyn:

My best friend has a child. Her: Exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

OK. I've done Internet searches; I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please, no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners. . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them every day. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day, and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail?

I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events), and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy — not a bad thing at all — but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth?

Is this a contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids, and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.
— Tacoma, Wash.

Dear Tacoma,
Relax and enjoy. You're funny.
Or you're lying about having friends with kids.
Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.
Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand — while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom friends are either lying or competing with you — is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries and questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.
It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.
It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family members and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting the constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.
It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything — language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity, empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy — and then when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, you wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend — a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends or marvel at how much more productively she uses her time.

Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.

-Carolyn Hax

Now...I have been both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom.  I taught for the first 6 months of Callen's life.  I have both view points on this issue.  While I was working, I felt so guilty that I was working and Callen was with someone else (in good hands).  I did do my job (well, I think, most days); however, as soon as the bell rang and as soon as I got my stuff together I was out the door to get Callen. I felt like that was where I needed to be.  While I worked, I had 6 preps to prepare for and also the stating testing stuff.  I was bus, and I LOVED my job.  I LOVE TEACHING.  But, I had down time...I had to planning periods, a lunch period and then there were those days that kids were not there due to school events...so not a lot going on.  Granted, I talked all day and was depended on...but, I was not necessary the life line to those junior high and high school kids.  I was stimulated through out the day by learning, speaking to adults and kids, and having some "me" time.  I had energy at the end of the day, and I was excited to run to my baby at the end of the day and start being a mom.  I was blessed with a wonderful out of home job, that allowed me to bring my kid to work (on some days when kids weren't there) and to take off when my kid was sick.  BLESSED.

Now, on the flip side.  Being a stay-at-home mom is A LOT harder than I EVER THOUGHT!  I saw my mom be a stay-at-home mom and I remember her always having time to play or handle my sister and I and also clean the house (spotless) and have dinner on the table.  As I look back I think, "how did she do this?"  I mean really....there are days that I don't want to move from the couch, because Callen did not sleep the night before or simply because I am having "one of those days."  However, there is a 2 year old depending on me for EVERYTHING.  I celebrate the days that I get to shower alone and as long as I like.  However, I love being a stay-at-home mom and I feel/know this is my job.  God has blessed and allowed my family to be able to do this.  Granted, it is not easy.  There has been cutbacks and stressful moments money wise...but, we always make it.  I might not get to go and buy and do as much as I did before, but I am fulfilled.  Being a stay-at-home mom is not for everyone...but, for those that it is not for, don't assume that those that stay home watch TV all day and sleep and do nothing.  I am more exhausted now then I ever was while teaching and that was with a newborn.  I am on demand and on call 24/7.  I have no "me" time.  My house is not always clean...but, I will guarantee there is a happy mom (most the time) and a happy baby (err. toddler) at my house.  In my opinion, stay-at-home moms are not lazy...we are working (hard)...we just aren't drawing a money check every month. But, we are drawing a emotional check every month.  It is our job to make sure the grit and grime and those in the house are happy, healthy, loved, feed, taken care of, keep after, are taught the things of life and that God is the foundation of the home.  

I praise every Mom out there...working or a home mom.  We have all been blessed with an amazing job.  How you decide to be a mom is your families decision...just know us stay-at-home moms work too!