A Laugh

If you have read the below blog then you know I am starting a heart recovery for myself.  I am directing my thoughts, actions, life all towards God.  I know he is in control, and I need to make sure he is the center of all my controls....not just some.

I told God last night that I was going to go on a soul search and to tender my heart and change it all the more for him and his desires.  I always pray that God will guide me, but I really don't fully turn everything over to Him.  Like most, I think, oh I can control this situation.  But wouldn't it be easier to just let God handle it?  That is what I am doing.  A month of turning everything over to Him.

Now, God has a sense of humor and a way of maybe opening eyes and then allowing the devil to somewhat creep in to see how you are going to handle a situation (my words/thoughts).  This morning I woke up in a really bad mood.  My thinking immediately when Callen was awake and ready to go (7:30) was seriously, just a little longer.  (Side note: Callen has not been sleeping well at night this week, waking up 6 or so times a night, so I "believe" I am tired.)  After being cranky for about two hours and doing things with a half heartedness, I quickly thought, oh this is it...God is asking me how I am going to handle this day and these situations.

I quickly said a prayer that God would help me see how precious my sweet boy is and that I have nothing important to do today, other than be there for Callen and what he needs me to do today.  This prayer happened as I was grudgingly playing Mario Kart with a two year old.  After that little prayer, I quickly changed my attitude and decided that I was going to change my bad mood and heart.  Granted, I am still cranky...but I am thinking and working through the crankiness...I am not allowing my flesh or my selfish heart to win this.

Thank you God for a reminder to change my heart away from me.